the only girl on the team

I am the only female among males in my workplace and my home. This means I might go entire days without having any female contact whatsoever, including telephone contact. Here are some of the things I’ve observed:

1. No one will ever notice my new haircut, fingernail/toenail polish, shoes, outfit.
2. The dirt I see, which drives me crazy until it’s cleaned up, will go virtually unnoticed by everyone else. Men will literally sit around in their own filth for days, weeks, or even months.
3. The toilet seat will always be left up
4. Crying makes men uncomfortable. It’s best just to go into the bathroom, lock the door and get it out of your system.
5. Ringing phones in the workplace should only be answered by the female (if present). Males believe there is always the possibility that their penises will fall off and/or they will grow breasts if they do a job they perceive a woman should be doing.
6. Jokes told by men will invariably involve excrement of some kind. They believe that excrement is the funniest thing on the planet.
7. Their language will be bad.
8. Their grammar will be even worse.
9. Scintillating conversation will involve NASCAR or football or meat cooked on an open fire.
10. Conflicts between men are resolved quckly, with few hard feelings. Women, on the other hand, will nitpick each other to death, or until one of them develops an eating disorder – whichever comes first.

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1 Response to “the only girl on the team”


  1. 1 tvh April 14, 2005 at 11:37 am

    Many of these observed axiomatic behaviors are also exhibited by teenage boys, who may turn into similarly piggish brute-men.

    We must refine them now!


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