who the hell is sean hannity?

Oh my, little Karen has been scared senseless today! For some reason, curiosity got the best of me and I decided to check out Sean Hannity’s website. Before today, I didn’t really know who the hell Sean Hannity was but boy, howdy I certainly have gotten an education now. So sit back and let me give you a tour, kiddies, of a website about a man whose ego is bigger (bigger!) than our president’s…

Sean Hannity is a self-described MULTI-MEDIA SUPERSTAR. I personally have never seen the guy on TV, or heard him on the radio, or read about him in any print media (liberal bastards), so I’m not sure what-all media this guy thinks he’s a superstar of. And he’s never been on Oprah or Entertainment Tonight and frankly, one is NOT a superstar unless one has been on either one of those shows.
So that’s A BIG FAT LIE.

Sean Hannity is a BIG fan of Ruth’s Chris steakhouse, whose dinners are so expensive only Multi-media superstars can afford to eat there. There are two ads for Ruth’s Chris on today’s home page, plus, there’s a nice pic of what looks like a foot-high bloody steak. And everybody knows that all good Republicans like their meat. Rare. Lots of it. Bleeding all over the plate. Mile-high. Bloody. Reminds ’em of huntin’. And fishin’. Killing shit. Killin’ Iraqis. Makin’ the world safe for democracy.

Another part of the website is for Support Our Troops Rally and the header reads Support Our Troops Calandar of Rally’s. Rally’s, get it? I hate it when illiterate dumbasses turn a plural into a possessive don’t you? Buy hey, why be surprised? Isn’t Stupid the new Smart now? (Think: Larry the Cable Guy, a true multi-media superstar)

Moving on to the handy links to all of Sean Hannity’s favorite ultra-conservative, in-your-face, liberal-hating websites. The usual suspects all show up, Newt, Limbaugh, Fox News – who are scary enough – but then there are some that are EVEN SCARIER:

Stop Hillary PAC: Here you can download Buddy Icons that spell out Stop Hillary. I guess you can make a political statement when you’re IM’ing your other conservative mook buddies while you tell them about how you actually got to have sex with your date last weekend, even though you had to slip her some GHB first. Stupid bitch.

CFS Risk Consultants: A place where you can hire folks to protect you and investigate the evildoers in your life. This looks like a place where the average American conservative can reap the benefits of the Patriot Act.

Rasmussen Reports: Looks like a website devoted to hyping Bush’s approval rating, bashing Hillary, and quoting “statistics” about how much the average American loves God (57% of Republicans pray every day and 63% of Americans believe Bible literally true)

But perhaps the most disturbing website link is to the Flirty Flipper. The best I can tell, this chick is some kind of assistant to Sean Hannity (perhaps the Right’s answer to Suzy Creamcheese?). She appears to be an adult female, but it looks like her maturity level stopped at about age 10. She has produced two children who are glorified in all their snotty-nosed splendor above cutesy captions like Daddy Teaching Jack to Mow the Lawn Last Summer and My Little Babies, Growing Up – Now 1 and 2 Years Old!!!, and there’s something going on here with birds. Like she prays TO THEM (not with them, or for them – TO THEM). Even godless liberals aren’t that wacky. Maybe the people from the Rusmussen Report need to have a little talk with Flipper Chick about the exact meaning of paganisn and how good little Republican boys and girls JUST DON’T DO THAT.

Wow. I knew there was a reason I steered away from this kind of crap.
Viva la Liberalism!


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