TV land and other stuff

The best thing about driving in a funeral procession is that you get to run red lights and stop signs. That rocks.

Something that really bothers me is when you’ve been watching a TV show for awhile and all of a sudden, in one episode, one of the characters smokes a cigarette. Like, oh by the way my character is a smoker in this episode. Since I used to smoke, I know you just don’t go around not smoking most of the time, then all of a sudden out of the blue you’re having a cigarette.

Here are my favorite TV shows right now. You may not care, but this is my blog, and since you’re reading it you already have some kind of sick fascination with my life as it is, so here goes:

10. Desperate Housewives. This would get a higher rating except one of the characters is having sex with a 17 year old boy and since my son is 17, the YUCK factor is definitely in play here. Thinking about your child having sex is seriously gross and second only to imagining your own parents having sex.

9. Still Standing – There’s something so sweet about a couple of parents who have absolutely no interest in their own children, still go to Ozfest, and talk about how they used to smoke pot in high school.

8. Medium – What I really like about this show is the main character’s husband. He’s hot in a boyish, sweet way, plus he’s a mathematician which appeals to my inner geek. Also, they named one of their kids Ariel like in the Little Mermaid. That takes guts.

7. Sex in the City – OK, I only have access to the TBS version so there’s no good nudity and the characters say “frig” instead of “fuck” but you can still read their lips so you know what they’re really saying and does one really have to hear the characters say fuck as long as you can hear it in your mind???

6. Survivor – I’ve been watching it since the beginning so there’s no such thing as not watching at this point. Yes, they always vote out the best players too soon but Tom’s still alive and kicking in this game and as long as he keeps winning immunity he’ll win. I’m rooting for Tom in case you’re wondering and boy am I glad they got rid of Coby because he was too swishy, even for me and I’m a big huge fan of the gay guy.

5. Apprentice – OK, everything he owns is “the best” and “the most expensive” and his taste sucks but I watch it because I like George and Carolyn. I wish I was Carolyn – so tall and blonde and skinny and you just know she kicks ass all over the place. I wish they would have a show where Carolyn kicks Donald Trump’s ass all over the boardroom. They could call it “Carolyn Kicks Donald’s Ass”.

4. 3-1/2 Men – It’s hard to believe they actually have a prime-time show where the main character drinks excessive amounts of vodka straight from the bottle, screws a different woman in every show and teaches his 10 year old nephew how to gamble.

3. Lost – I like this show because it’s not a cop or hospital drama, plus there’s a big fucking monster in it.

2. Intervention – I don’t really know anybody else who watches this show but it’s a reality show about people with addition problems and the cameras follow them around scoring drugs and doing drugs, or cutting themselves, or gambling away their families’ savings, or going around to a bunch of fast food places and gorging out on food, or just playing video games all day and night and generally not working or doing anything else. Then at the end, the families surprise them by staging an intervention and, ha!ha!, the addict has to choose right then if they’re going to go to rehab or not – and if not, their families tell them that they don’t want them around anymore. The fun part is when an addict gets all “what’s up with this shit?” and “you mean I gotta go right now?” and the families are all like “hey you slacker, you just live at my house and eat up all my food and don’t work and smoke crack in the back bedroom and we’re tired of your shit.” It’s fun.

1. Nip/Tuck – This is my number one favorite show right now and I got hooked on it via reruns, when FX ran 4hr long Nip/Tuck marathons on Saturday nights, which I watched every Saturday night – so that pretty much tells you how much of a loser I am. HA! Just kidding about the loser part! This show pretty much falls into the soft porn category and since I’m too cheap to pay for HBO or any of those other pricy networks, this is the best TV gets for me.

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