wass’up down south

I’ll bet you thought I’d never come back, didn’t ya? Here’s a brief synopsis of my trip including the types and number of alcoholic beverages I consumed.

Day one-Saturday: The flight from KC to Dallas was a flying igloo with seats and beverage service. Once in Dallas, I decide to walk from Terminal A to Terminal C in an attempt to warm up. Why do Southerners keep everything so damn cold? Northerners think of cold as the enemy, not something to be embraced year round. I think my sweater will get a workout on this trip. Drinks consumed today: Bloody Mary-1, Beer-1, Mojitos-2 (yum yum).

Day two-Sunday: Wore sweater most of day. Alcoholic beverages consumed today: Mojitos-2 (wanted more but ran out of rum), wine – 1/2 jumbo-size bottle of White Zinfandel. Having trouble with liquor laws here; hard liquor is only sold in liquor stores, which aren’t open on Sunday. Today is Sunday. No more rum for me today. Here’s a thought: you’d think these people would need plenty of liquor to keep themselves warm, even on Sundays.

Day three-Memorial Day: Wore sweater only part of day. Perhaps am becoming acclimated to sub-zero air conditioning. Drove down Congress Ave to see if we could spot Leslie, the Congress Ave drag queeen but she/he wasn’t around. Damn. That would have made a good picture for today’s post. As a substitute, here is a picture of FrankNFurter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Drinks consumed today: Cosmopolitin-1, Beer-1.

Day four-Tuesday: Am fully acclimated now that it’s time to leave. That figures.

I know, you’re wondering if drinking is ALL I did on my trip. Not exactly. I also read books and magazines and talked to Tracy and drove around – and that was what I specifically wanted to do. Hosting a celebrity blog like PaperCut is EXHAUSTING work and a low-key trip is exactly what I needed. Thank you Perez Family for hosting my Sabbatical!!! Just in case you were wondering “just who are these Perez people??” I have compiled a list of FAQs:

Q. You seem to have a lot of rocks just lying around your house. What’s up with that?
A. We like rocks, don’t you? Besides, my mother was a geologist, so there. We’re just glad she wasn’t a proctologist.

Q. This house seems to be overrun with teenagers. How do the adults keep their sanity?
A. Sometimes we bind and gag them. Often we weep uncontrollably.

Q. You own hundreds of books, yet you’re also avid viewers of The O.C. Please explain this apparent paradox to us.
A. If you ever tell another soul we watch The OC, we’ll cut off your alcohol supply the next time you haul your large ass down here. Got that??

Q. It’s apparent you didn’t support George Bush in the last election. I thought you Texans LOVE George Bush. What gives?
A. You really are an idiot aren’t you? Get the hell out of here and go back where you came from. Who the hell let you in here, anyway?

Well, that about does it. Join me in July as I relate highlights of my trip to Colorado to visit Ken’s mother (where the alcohol consumption will be much lower, but the altitude is higher).

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