It’s hot and you need a pool!

The teenage boy will be a senior this year, and this week soccer practice started. High school athletics always starts their fall sports practices during the hottest week of the year, it seems, and the boy has been sweating it out for two practices a day every day this week. As a show of solidarity, I also decided to start exercising again. This is a real sacrafice for me because I have previously made it a policy to not work out during the summer months. My delicate physical makeup does not tolerate the heat well, and the fact that I’m a fat menopausal lady means that I sweat quite readily and profusely. Purposely making myself hotter than I already feel doesn’t really seem logical, therefore I usualy spend my summers moving from one air conditioned venue to the next. But I really felt sorry for the poor boy, even though he’s young and fit and male and could care less about the sacrafices I make for him.

Now, if we were to hold a contest in our house for the Most Enthusiastic Athlelete, Coco the Wonder Dog would win every time. He is a creature who is ALWAYS ready to hit the trails rain, shine, hot or cold. Whenever he sees me putting on the ratty Hanes Sports Bra, his little stump of a tail just starts a’waggin’. We’ve been out twice so far this week (yes I know, the teenage boy is working out twice a DAY but give me a break), and Coco’s endurance is truly amazing. While I’m huffing and puffing in the 95 degree sweatbath that is our Midwest climate, Coco is trotting along in what can only be described as a black fur coat THAT HE CANNOT TAKE OFF. Plus he’s basically barefoot and actually chooses to walk on the asphalt pavement instead of the cooler grass. And while I’ve practically sweated out every ounce of moisture in my body, Coco manages to continuously manufacture enough urine to pee on every bush and tombstone in the cemetary where we walk. What a stud.

You know, they say that sweating is supposed to make you feel cooler but I know that’s a load of bullshit. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, so allow me to explain my conclusions: If the sweat coming out of your body is approximately 100 degrees, and the outside temperature is approximately 100 degrees, and the humidity is approximately 50%, then the water glistening on your body is just hot water that won’t go away. It’s like sitting in a hot tub on a hot day, and that wouldn’t make much sense would it? OK, so what about the breeze factor? Doesn’t a wind, even a slight one blowing over your sweat-soaked whale body make you FEEL cooler? HELL NO. Does a 1000 degree solar wind FEEL cooler than a normal 50 degree fall-like breeze? I personally cannot wait for the 50-degree fall breezes to blow softly over MY body while I exercise.

Julian’s soccer games start in 3 weeks and I am comforted by the knowledge that even though we will start the season wearing shorts, sweating on the bleachers, and shielding our eyes against the sun, we will wind up the season in November ensconced in blankets, shivering on the bleachers, in the dark. His senior year is about to begin and the first of many last-times is beginning. Let the melancholy begin.

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