Dear Oprah, How was your summer? I hope it was a good one in spite of that nasty little incident at Hermes back in June. How dare those hoity-toity French people claim not to have recognized that it was YOU knocking on their door to let you in after they were closed! I just couldn’t believe it when they aired the story on Entertainment Tonight. You know, if it had been Brittney Spears who wanted special attention, not only would the Hermes store manager have recognized her, Brittney would have been invited into the store to do as much after-hours shopping as her little trailer trash, bare-belly pregnant self wanted to do. Talk about a racial incident! I’ll bet you’re glad you weren’t a poor old black woman living in New Orleans this summer!
Speaking of which, I thought your coverage of the Katrina aftermath was pretty good, especially when you told ol’ Ray Nagin what a tough broad you are. You really gave him the old smackdown when he tried to keep you out of the Superdome! Yeah. I’d just love to see somebody else try to keep you from doing the hard investigative journalism you’re so well known for. I didn’t see Part 2 of your Katrina show but I hear it was excellent, especially when John Travolta cried.
I’m sorry to say that I can’t donate any money to your Angel Network for hurricaine relief for those poor people, though. The price of gas is sky-high ,and although I know that a gazillionaire like yourself doesn’t have to worry about stuff like that, us regular folks do. Now I hear that the price of gas is going to start affecting the price of food, and if Krispy Kremes get any more expensive I just don’t know what I’m gonna do! I know that now’s probably not the best time to bring this up, but if you would just reconsider granting my wildest dream of having stomach stapling surgery I wouldn’t be able to eat so much, and I’d have more money left over to donate to the victims of Hurricaine Katrina! Now, doesn’t that sound like a good idea?
Looking forward to your new season!