the sad face of obsessive-compulsive disorder

Wow, I’ll bet you’ve been asking yourselves “Gee, I wonder what Karen’s been up to this week?”, and wondering how my latest persona of Soccer Mom is faring. Well, here’s a quick recap:

On Monday, I was in charge of decorating the soccer field for the homecoming games. After deciding to use the usual blue & white cups stuck through the little hole thingies in the fence to spell out “Go Blue Jays!!”, I thought it would be a good idea to make a drawing of just what it should look like. Being somewhat OCD (somewhat???) I decided it would be a good idea to mock up a facsimile of the whole project in Microsoft Excel. As someone who shall remain nameless commented, “Wow, you must have a lot of time on your hands”. Hmmmmm, an interesting comment, but what people don’t seen to understand is that spending a few hours obsessively planning out my project saved me untold sleepless hours worrying that I might not execute a PERFECT PROJECT. My biggest fear is going down in Liberty Soccer Mom history as the person most incapable of measuring up, and then being gossiped about for years to come (and ladies, you know that kind of shit happens). Besides, this is what you get when you appoint tasks like this to a total neuroic with obsessive-complusive disorder. So there. Oh, and I also made numerous drawings of the field showing the exact placement of 20 blue & white balloon bouquets. It was a magnificent sight indeed!!

Last night I attended our third game of the week in as many nights, and was feeling a little silly and ready for some relaxation! So I spent most of the game admiring the backside of a very handsome line official (usually these guys are nothing to look at, so this was a total bonus moment for me). Then I and my son’s girlfriend (who didn’t think the linesman was cute, but that was probably because he appeared to be over the age of 30) made sport of a couple of the opposing team’s cheerleaders – who were total spazoids. We came up with some really sweet nicknames for them, like “Tourettes” and “Stork Girl” and at one point Tourettes stuck a couple of Kleenex up her nose and left them there, so we got a pretty good chuckle out of that! There’s nothing funnier than seeing a person with Kleenex stuck up their nose! And yes, I know I shouldn’t make fun of people who can do things with their bodies that I’ve never been able to bring myself to do in public, but I needed – no, I DESERVED – a little fun.

Why? Because tonight is the All-Team Pizza Party and I’m in charge of that extravaganza also! We’re talking about feeding 60 players a meal and a dessert here, so the planning phase of this event has consumed a WHOLE lot of time, and lists, and spreadsheets, and diagrams, and phone calls and whatnot. Yes, I have help, and other people are bringing food and desserts and stuff – but still, I worry. I worry about running out of food. I worry about running out of plates and forks and drinks. I worry that people will show up too early or too late. Worse, I worry that no one will show up at all. OH, and I’ve also had a total of three anxiety dreams about this stupid party this past week. I’ve dreamt that the facility was being used by another group when we showed up; I dreamed that I got the nights mixed up and forgot to show up with the pizza; I dreamed that no one showed up at all! So I think it goes without saying that I’m SICK of thinking about this f***ing party, and am SO READY to get it the hell over with.

And in the meantime my dog has some kind of skin allergy causing him to scratch incessently, and my ex-husband hasn’t sent the blessed child support this month.

Anybody got a valium they can spare?

This post is dedicated to Roche Pharmaceuticals

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