Date: Wed, 26 Oct 2005 20:37:17
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Harriet Miers)
To: email@example.com (George W. Bush)
Well, I was hoping this day woudn’t come, but it looks like I’m going to have to withdraw my name as Supreme Court nominee. Wow, that would have been a sweet job for both of us, wouldn’t it? Just thinking about having the power to overturn Roe v Wade and Affirmative Action makes my private parts tingle! But the Congress (those rats) just wouldn’t stop their demands for more and more information. I believe – and I think you’ll agree with this – that we’d be risking the ultimate exposure if we continued on with the nomination process. Think of it, pookie, our secret daughter’s well-being is at stake here. It’s bad enough that she’s being reported as Janet Jackson’s secret daughter -and I shudder whenever I think of our sweet daughter being linked, however wrongly, with those filthy Jackson people – but they’re just getting too close to the truth. A story like that would make Clinton look like a chiorboy, not to mention ruin both our careers and sully your good name worldwide.
I was thinking: we need a really BIG story now to turn the public’s attention away from this whole mess. How much do you think it would take to make sure Pat Fitzgerald returns a couple of big names on Friday? I’m talking mulah here sweetie. Think about it. You know I’d hate to see Karl and Scooter (such a cute name!) go to jail, but really Pookie, who’s more important, a couple of over-the-hill pols, or our sweet Danielle? I never did like that Karl Rove anyway and I’ve NEVER understood why you let him boss you around the way he does.
Anyway, you can make the announcement about me withdrawing tomorrow. Have somebody write something appropriate for you to say, and please try to pronounce all the words correctly! Ask for help or, better yet, put that dictionary to use I gave you last year if you have trouble. Oh, and don’t forget to slip Fitz a little something tomorrow also.
Sleep tight Pookie!
P.S. I hope Laura’s snoring doesn’t keep you up AGAIN tonight. I wish she would use those Breathe-Rite strips you gave her for her birthday. Some people…