I am not, nor have I ever been a waitress; but I have been served by numerous waitresses/waiters in my life, so I have a pretty good idea of what one should and should not do. Based on a recent experience Ken (a.k.a. Mr. Wonderful) and I had a couple of days ago, here are a few Don’ts:

1. Do not direct my attention to the most expensive item on the menu, then give me a “frowny” face when I choose something else (something that didn’t contain TWO MEATS IN ONE MEAL).

2. Do not tell us that you’re a single mother with two children. We don’t need to know about your life. We’re hungry. Just serve the food.

3. Don’t wrinkle up your nose and tell me my food choice is a “test item” and to let her know if it’s any good. (It wasn’t)

4. Do not neglect to bring me the dipping sauce for my test item meal, especially after I have specifically asked for it (And yes, it WAS on the menu, don’t tell me it wasn’t).

5. Do not make excuses for why you didn’t bring my dipping sauce AT ALL by telling me how busy your personal life as a single parent of two boys is. I AM a single parent and I think I could remember to bring a small bowl of sauce to a table.

6. Do not tell me you only make $2.10 per hour. You’re a waitress. You work for tips. Bring the damn sauce next time.

7. Do not try to get us to order dessert so you can win a contest for selling the most desserts. And don’t give us your frowny face when we say we don’t want dessert.

8. And finally, don’t stand around and watch to see how much of a tip you’re getting. You’re lucky you got one.

Fortunately, she’s also lucky that our sense of humor is so highly evolved, we actually enjoy experiences like this.

This post is dedicated to the cast of Alice.


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