I knew better than to be an astronaut. Even though I passed all their stupid Rorschach tests and stuff, I could have told them I was a whacko. But no. After my lover, Bill Oelefein started taunting me that I couldn’t pass the tests to become a lady astronaut, I tried out just for fun. And what do you know? The idiots passed me. Even put me on the space shuttle. Bill says it’s because they lower the standards for women but I know it’s really because we don’t have a problem wearing the diapers. People keep talking about the diaper I was wearing on my trip to go and bust up Colleen’s face. Stupid Colleen. She thought she could have Bill. Probably cause she has two letter E’s in her name. Bill has three. I don’t have any, but so what? I can wear a diaper. See how much sense it all makes?
Just look at what being an astronaut does to a person:
Look at the first picture. See how pretty I was? Of course, that was before I went into space and made contact with the alien life forces that eventually possessed me and granted me the secret information that Colleen was trying to steal my boyfriend. They explained everything to me – her evil plots against me; her sad, sad belief that having two letter E’s in her name somehow made her a better girlfriend for Bill than me. The more they explained things, the clearer my REAL mission in life was. I came back to Earth knowing what I had to do. So I put on my diaper and loaded up the BB gun and, voila – Road Trip!
Stupid Colleen didn’t even recognize me at the airport but I guess the BB gun pointed at her ugly face freaked her out, and she called the cops. Everyone knows what happened next…
I guess I’m probably kicked out of the space program now, so I’ll have to find a different way to contact the Mother Ship to receive my new orders. I’m not giving up the diapers, though, no matter what.