an open letter to winter

Dear Winter,

I realize that this is your allotted time of the year to regale us with cold and snow and northerly winds.  I am also painfully aware that you have approximately 40 more days left in your present tenure.  Forty more days of coat and glove wearing; forty more days of cold and flu season; forty more days of shivering on the front porch to smoke cigarettes.  However, I am here to tell you that everyone is sick of you.  We were all under the impression that we had spewed out enough CO2 into the atmosphere to render your sorry ass unable to make winter anymore.  So what happened?  Huh?  Are you so pissed off that you decided to teach us all a lesson?  Is this why you cursed us with freezing rain and snow, and then left the temperatures below freezing for weeks at a time, – thus keeping anything from melting?  

There are two adults, two cats and one dog in my household and we are sick of being cooped up together.  The one dog and one cat are so bored they’ve taken to mercilessly stalking the old, infirm lady cat for pure sport; making her crazier than ever.  She’s now about as reclusive and unfriendly as a bag lady.  I’ve spent so many hours lying on the couch in front of the TV, covered up with two fleece blankets, it’s beginning to look like I’ve grown a cocoon.  Unfortunately, instead of emerging in the spring as a beautiful butterfly, I’m liable to look more like a big ol’ pupae – fat and white and without definition.  Ken and I have both stopped shaving and the only foods we crave are bread and potatoes.

Yes, winter, this is what you’ve done to us.  So on behalf of most of the people in the USA, I am here, at your feet, to beg for a break.  Give as a reason to unwind the blankets from  our bodies and get off the couch.   Give my old lady cat her life back.   And please, for God’s sake, give us all a reason to shave again.



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