It’s President’s Day. Ken has the day off. There is no mail service. The banks are closed. All the city and county offices are closed. Schools are closed.
Guess who’s working? Me and the guy who delivers my paper. And people who work in retail establishments. So everyone who’s off today can go shopping and take advantage of The Predsident’s Day Sales. Don’t you think the dead presidents would shit if they knew the day set aside to remember them has now become a shamless retail holiday? How would Abraham Lincoln feel if he knew you could go out and buy a discounted living room set (Today Only!) because it’s President’s Day? Would he be real happy for you? I don’t think so. I think he’d scratch his big ‘ol head and wonder what the hell happened to us.
OK, so what are people supposed to do on President’s day anyway? There’s no presents to exchange or fireworks to explode or turkey to eat. It’s not a costume day or a drinking day, and Jesus didn’t do anything important on this day. Are we supposed to sit back and contemplate the lives of the Presidents? Seriously? They’d better give me the day off if they expect me to do THAT.
I’ll tell you a really unappreciated holiday: Veteran’s Day. There’s a whole lot more of us veterans than there are presidents. Maybe you get Veteran’s day off if you’re a government employee, but I don’t. And I’m a vet. Talk about getting a shit deal. I don’t think anybody really cares about veterans anyway. Once you’re done, you’re done. You might as well take your post-traumatic stress disorder and go live in the streets.
But I digress. It’s President’s day. I think I’ll go home later and get out my 8×10 color glossy photograph of Bill Clinton and practice my kissing. Now THAT’S a celebration.