In which I respond to some of the comments Akismet has identified as spam on my blog

Akismet has protected your site from 618 spam comments! 

Wow, I never knew I was so popular.  This actually makes me a LOT more popular than I ever was in high school when I only averaged about 5 spam comments per day, usually in the form of “Hey four eyes” or “Hey band dork” or “Out of my way hippie freak.” 

Let’s take a look at some of the spam mail from today, shall we? 

 Our first important message is from Ideagmaerorgo, who writes:  searching people for seo worck for thems furniture
I don’t know what planet you’re from Ideagmarorgo, but on Earth, the sentence should read Searching people is fun! Word of advice:  Learn the language and get a normal name for God’s sake.

Next we have a couple of nice folks who really want me to produce more cum.  The first one is from – ironically – produce more cum who writes:  produce more cum.  The second message is from a person who appears to a relative of produce more cum, named how to produce more cum.   Thanks, but I’m very happy with the way things are and producing more cum isn’t really necessary for me.

A number of folks are very interested in showing me pictures of Kelly Clarkson naked and Britney Spears’ pussy.  One person has even offered me pictures of his mom.  my mom naked gives a hearty shout out to everyone and extends an invitation to view naked pictures of his mother over at bestusasex.com/d/my-mom-naked.html !  I hope she doesn’t look like my mom naked, because I’m pretty sure the only person who wants to see that is my dad.   Private message to my mom naked – Therapy works. Look into it.

Many more of my faithful spam fan club want to offer me links to car sites, sites on how to improve my golf swing, and places to buy medications to cure my erectile dysfunction.  This is so disappointing.  It seems these people haven’t even taken the time to really get to know me because if they had, they’d be sending me links to sites that offer free liquor and cigarettes.  Or sites that give tips on how to turbocharge a vibrator.  And hey, how about a link to a site that shows George Clooney naked?  That would be cool.

Now excuse me while I slip over to monstermarketplace for some bootleg Lortabs.

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17 Responses to “In which I respond to some of the comments Akismet has identified as spam on my blog”


  1. 1 Deb July 31, 2007 at 8:42 pm

    This had me laughing out loud!

    I’ll swap you anal sex spam for the golf swing spam! 😀

  2. 2 Simonne August 1, 2007 at 2:52 am

    Ha ha!!
    (I can’t believe we’re posting about similar stuff again!!)
    🙂

  3. 3 observantbystander August 1, 2007 at 5:49 am

    Deb: Done! Oh wait a minute, I just agreed to anal sex spam!

    Simonne: I hope we don’t start getting spam for mons pubis reduction like we get spam for penis enlargement.

  4. 4 V- August 1, 2007 at 7:23 am

    Troy and I got a laugh out of this one:Flea Bitten Whores – click here. Would that really intice someone? YUCK!

  5. 5 observantbystander August 1, 2007 at 8:30 am

    V- Maybe that’s spam for dogs. Or street derelicts.

  6. 6 RubyShooZ August 1, 2007 at 12:26 pm

    Interesting spam you got there my friend. Mine goes unseen into the depths of the trash.

    Looks like you’re feeling a bit better today – you got me smiling, thanks.

    Peace, love and understanding as always.

  7. 7 observantbystander August 1, 2007 at 1:58 pm

    Ruby – Laughter is the best medicine, ya know. Still kind of flat, but I’m getting there. Glad I could put smile on your face, sweeite.

  8. 8 pradapixie August 1, 2007 at 2:28 pm

    lovely stuff.
    I’ve wondered about all that spam. I seem to get stuff that wants to sound like a Shakeaspearian play but in complete bollocks wanting me to buy viagra.. Right.
    pxx

  9. 9 poseidonsmuse August 1, 2007 at 8:04 pm

    Damn! And I thought that I was actually receiving and interpreting special signals from the distant Galaxy…”Alpha-Beta-Get-Your-Rocks-Off-2″ I hear there’s alot of sexy aliens over there.

    Crap!…Now I’m going to have to take you up on the offer for anal sex spam too. Oh, and given my tendency for “kink”…how about some “skiwiggerjit-black-leather-cum-hither-sexy-vibrator-redhead” spam as well…?! I’m feeling the need for a little variety tonight 😉

  10. 10 observantbystander August 1, 2007 at 8:19 pm

    Pix: Man, what is it about Viagra? And don’t they care that we’re WOMEN?

    PM: Man, talk about variety! I think you about covered the spectrum – but how about adding Big 12″ penis to that? Seriously, that made me giggle, girl.

  11. 11 writerchick August 1, 2007 at 8:22 pm

    OB,
    definitely let me know if they send you the spambots from the free liquor and cigarette sites. – I’m so there. 😆
    wC

  12. 12 observantbystander August 1, 2007 at 8:38 pm

    WC – I KNEW I could count on you to chime in on that one. I’ve got you on speed dial should they contact me.

  13. 13 poseidonsmuse August 2, 2007 at 7:24 am

    OB – Too funny! But seriously…12″ (EEEEEEEeeeeek!)!!!!!!???

  14. 14 totaltransformation August 2, 2007 at 11:09 am

    I feel sorry for whoever these folks are who buy penis enlargement pills based on internet comment spam. I am also wondering why I got spam in my folder asking my to buy a Volkswagen. I mean, does Volkswagen pay these people? Or do they just enjoy wasting their time.

  15. 15 observantbystander August 2, 2007 at 1:37 pm

    Total: I get those too. Who knows what lurks in the hearts of spammers? Does anybody actually click on these links?

  16. 16 abarclay12 August 2, 2007 at 10:40 pm

    Oh my. This is mofo hilarious. Brilliant. I get the greatest spam too, and I’ve never considered responding to it. I briefly thought about clicking one of the websites to learn more about lesbian anal fisting, but I A.D.D.’d out and forgot about it. Great post.

  17. 17 observantbystander August 3, 2007 at 6:55 am

    Abarday: Fisting is one of those things I wish somebody would explain to me. Like, how good could THAT feel? Yikes, I get all cramped up just thinking about it.


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