Insecurity girl

Is it pathetic to be 50 years old and still feel like an insecure 13 year old?  Today I have to walk into a group of people I do not know, who are supposed to be my peers, and mingle. 

Luckily, alcohol will be involved.

This is an invitation I wrangled through a friend of a friend.  The friend of a friend does not know me, has never met me.  As badly as I wanted this invitation, I’m now petrified to actually carry it through.  

Did I mention that there will be alcohol?

Sometimes I feel that, if the curtain was pulled away, people would see I’m nothing but a cowering coward, blindly stabbing away at life with no real earthly idea of what I am doing –  an insecure 13 year old girl in a middle-aged woman’s body.   A middle-aged woman with crowd anxiety.  Who is fortunately old enough to drink.

Wish me luck.

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14 Responses to “Insecurity girl”


  1. 1 Deb August 21, 2007 at 12:07 pm

    Good luck!

    I imagine even if they did pull away the curtain to see the insecure 13 year old, they’d understand, because a lot of us out there have those same (or similar) insecurities.

    I have confidence that this will turn out well for you. Why? Because just now I had to do something that brings out a lot of my insecurities, and I managed it with a fair amoutn of success, I believe. I had to call people. People who I wanted to hire. I had to talk to three different companies and decide on a plumber, of all things. I know nothing of plumbing or plumbers. Though I was able to change my tub spout a few months ago, which was an incredible feat for me.

    Anyway. Plumbers. Do you know how much they make?! Despite my struggles with something as simple as a tub spout, plumbing is suddenly looking attractive as a career choice.

    You’ll do great tonight. They’ll be funny and nice, and so will you. Afterwards you’ll laugh at yourself for being nervous. The beforehand will suck because you won’t stop thinking and worrying, and the only thing that has ever helped me is to ignore it as best I can. If I don’t think about the things that make me nervous, they don’t make me nervous. Mostly.

    Just think – it could be worse. You could have that weird dancing virus like your character on 2nd life. Or whatever that game is called. (reading that post got me hooked on your blog!)

    Oh gawd, the weird dancing virus!
    Yeah, the construction trades make a lot of money – it’s practically sinful.
    Speaking of sinful, that Christina A is pretty fly!

  2. 2 V- August 21, 2007 at 12:43 pm

    I don’t know, we are going to be mingling with people who have names like “Death” – maybe we should be a tad nervous…

    Hopefully Death’s Door will be there. I feel a certain bond with him already…

  3. 3 Hawk August 21, 2007 at 4:54 pm

    O, hope it went well for you! Hmmm, I kinda know what you are feeling except on a different level. I act like I’m 39, play hard as if I were 29, move at times as though I was 59, and wake-up in the morning feeling 69! Heheheh!

    Until the next time . . .

    Ah yes, as in most things in life, the unknown is a lot scarier than the real thing.

  4. 4 purefnevyl August 21, 2007 at 6:39 pm

    Good luck. Just remember ‘In Vino Veritas.’ That shit can get me into all kinds of trouble.

    Oh man, I’ve been there waaaay too many times! Fortunately, all went swimmingly after numerous beers. In Cerveza Veritas!

  5. 5 Spyder August 21, 2007 at 10:35 pm

    So glad you did come. It was nice meeting you. Hope we didn’t scare you too bad. It does get a bit crazy with so many people. Come back if you had fun.

    I had a great time! I like to meet people a little bit at a time, so I plan to branch out a bit more in the group each time. Met some very interesting folks,though, which I sorely needed to do! I’ll be stopping by your spot today for a read.

  6. 6 Anthony North August 22, 2007 at 3:24 am

    Hi OB,
    The only people who don’t admit to such insecurities are the insecure.

    I always forget that I”m not the only freaked out person on the planet!

  7. 7 Simonne August 22, 2007 at 3:38 am

    You’re so cute! What the hell was this outing??
    Hope you were your gorgeous Goddess self! 🙂 xx

    Well… I certainly tried! I’ll write a little something about it today.

  8. 8 poseidonsmuse August 22, 2007 at 4:14 pm

    Goodness OB…reminds me of the only time when I first wore a bathing suit in public as a post-adolescent. You know…now I really don’t give a hoot. I like Hawk’s comments by the way…I feel as though there is an age for everything. Love and hugs to you Goddess sister…

    I will always have this insecurity thing I’m afraid. But now, my more mature self just says “Embrace the insecurity! Make it YOUR insecurity.” Very healing.

  9. 9 joebec August 22, 2007 at 4:30 pm

    sounds like everything went smooth! glad you went and enjoyed yourself. i would love to do a meet and greet with some of the bloggers here on WP. i was gonna do that with Robbi, too bad…

    That was so freaking sad, Reg. Just goes to show that we (the collective we) shouldn’t put things off too long. Come on out to KC and I’ll take you to the next blogger happy hour.

  10. 10 RubyShooZ August 22, 2007 at 4:57 pm

    Good girl!

    You went afraid and walked through the fear and came through with flying colors!

    And:

    I bet it wasn’t as scary as you thought it would be eh?

    I’m proud of you my friend.

    Peace, love and understanding.

    You know how freaky the unknown is…like you think everybody will stare and ask their friend “who the hell is THAT?” Of course, everybody feels that way, but it’s hard to keep that in mind until you walk into it and through it.

  11. 11 SurfaceEarth August 22, 2007 at 6:16 pm

    I take it it went well “observantbystander”. Love the new photo up top!

    Hey thanks! You know, a girl’s gotta change shit around every once in a awhile…

  12. 12 Bella August 23, 2007 at 7:19 am

    I think Anthony North hit the nail on the head here. You are not alone OB, and thank goodness for the booze 😉 Heeee-heeeee!

    Reading your hilarity, it seems like at these difficult times you should fall back on your humor to get your through. Have a “Brady” moment and just picture this new group of people in their underwear! BAHAHAHAHAH!

    YOU rock and you know it girl!

    xoxoxBella

    Yeah, I tend to play up the silly side when I get around people I don’t know! Will definitely branch out more on later meetups. Glad to see you back, Bella. You were missed!

  13. 13 Red August 24, 2007 at 1:34 pm

    Hmm .. crowd anxiety, yes? Alcohol DOES help wonders ..

    I read the “outcome” of the night first *doh!* so I’m glad to see you had a decent time!

    That always screws with my head to read posts backwards like that. Newest ones first and all that, but it fucks with the timeline!

  14. 14 Laurie Anne August 29, 2007 at 9:17 pm

    I feel like an insecure seven year old. You got me beat.

    Tee hee hee! We’re all scared little girls inside sometimes!


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