Urban hillbilly

I’m sitting here, tuned into the local C&W station, trying to keep from going fucking crazy.  This music is sooo bad, but I’m waiting to hear my boss do his live radio spot for a charity whiz-bang we did recently. 

The only time this new top 40 country music sounds good is after several stiff drinks. 

Pappy had a close call last spring,
He almost wasn’t with us this year.
Got supper in the oven, a good woman’s lovin’
Blah, blah, blah.

Lord, just kill me now.

Give me some Merle or some George Jones, or some Willie, but please not this new country shit.   It doesn’t help that most of the listening public who favor the top 40 country station are obvious Red staters who probably drive around with their legally concealed handgun in the glovebox; because if God didn’t mean for us to own handguns, he wouldn’t have put it in the Constitution to begin with, don’tcha know. 

Maybe I’m feeling peevish because our clueless leader, The Worst President Ever, was in town yesterday, eating buscuits and fucking up traffic.  Seems like a great disturbance in the force was afoot all day, and it was all I could do to get through it. 

So, are you ready for some more thought provoking lyrics?  I believe I heard a “hell yeah” out there in the crowd…

Well I still remember
You came by my trailer
With chicken and some homemade wine
The dogs got to barkin’
When we got the sparkin’
We almost set the house on fire

Bravo, Keith Urban, bravo.   OK, you’re hot so I’ll cut you some slack pretty boy.  Besides, you’re from down under which is OK with me.  I wonder, do they have hillbillies in New Zealand?



26 Responses to “Urban hillbilly”

  1. 1 romi41 August 23, 2007 at 7:57 pm

    Just wanted to tell you that your blog is hilarious 🙂 And on this post, I don’t think those lyrics would’ve been complete without the combination of “chicken and homemade wine”, LOL…

    Hey Romi, I’ve seen you around! Yeah, the combo is priceless – almost can’t have one without the other.

  2. 2 Charlie August 23, 2007 at 7:59 pm

    I used to run in circles goin’ no-where fast.
    I’d take, uh, one step forward and up two steps back.
    Couldn’t walk a straight line even if I wanted to, mmm, mmm.
    I wanna love somebody,
    Love somebody like you.

    Charlie, is that an original composition or are you just glad to see me?

  3. 3 Deb August 23, 2007 at 8:19 pm

    I’ve driven through parts of the country where I could pick up exactly one radio station, and it would always be country. Sometimes the silence would be better. Where do they come up with lyrics like this? Though they’re not the only genre guilty of crap lyrics, by far. I can recall a “skeet skeet” chorus in some hip hop song, and one of my favorite techno songs basically just says “ribbit ribbit…it’s getting closer” through the whole song. But that’s techno. That’s what it is supposed to be like! 😀

    Yeah, I have to admit that some (many) rock lyrics aren’t exactly literary compositions either. But hey, we’re trashing C&W here!

  4. 4 writerchick August 23, 2007 at 8:22 pm

    Oh my god, were those really the lyrics? Cripes! What happen to the good old days when country was good?

    Yes ma’am, right off the old word wide web. Give me some “up against the wall redneck mother” any day. Direct & succinct!

  5. 5 poseidonsmuse August 23, 2007 at 11:42 pm

    I remember a warm fall day, returning home for Thanksgiving from Uni…driving across the wide open prairie (under blue, blue sky)…singing the lyrics to “Love Somebody Like You” with the crispest, clearest voice I could muster. That was magic.

    Really a pretty good song – nice bluegrass sound with the banjo, etc. He’s a cutie!

  6. 6 bella August 24, 2007 at 1:07 am

    “Well I still remember
    You came by my trailer
    With chicken and some homemade wine
    The dogs got to barkin’
    When we got the sparkin’
    We almost set the house on fire” are those Keith Urban’s lyrics? Please tell me they are not!!! I love him but that’s just horrible! Say it isn’t so!

    Yeah baby, Homespun Love. Really, the lyric has everything – a trailer, dogs, sparkin’, and most importantly – chicken & homemade wine! Yee Haw!

  7. 7 anonymum August 24, 2007 at 7:36 am

    the only problem with country music is it’s so damned depressing! either their wife has left them, their dog has died, their truck won’t start or they’ve run out of booze!!

    *I wonder, do they have hillbillies in New Zealand?*
    hell yeah!! they’re all hillbillies over there!!
    hey, i’m australian…it’s a national sport to give the kiwi’s shit 😆

    Oh my, Moe, I had NO idea. It’s always interesting to find out who disses who in the world!

  8. 8 Deb August 24, 2007 at 8:07 am

    You know what I love? Those hilarious lists of country song titles. I can’t even remember the names of ones I’ve seen on those lists, but I’m thinking of Johnny Cash right now for an example. “You flushed me from the bathroom of your mind.” Or something like that. 😀

    Or “Kick me through the goalposts of love” , that’s a classic.

  9. 9 Charlie August 24, 2007 at 8:38 am

    i can’t take credit…

    it’s an Urban song. i am very con-country music, but i have a hard time turning the station to get away from that one. i think it’s called “love somebody”…

    please excuse my lack of explanation…i’m sure my wife would have the same question…lol

    Well, he does have a right purty voice!

  10. 10 Anthony North August 24, 2007 at 8:46 am

    Coming from the UK I’m simply heartened to know that you’re bombarded with commercial clap-trap on that side of the pond, too.

    Oh, it’s everywhere Anthony. It cannot be escaped, no matter what you do or where you go.

  11. 11 V- August 24, 2007 at 9:08 am

    I love the OLD classic country. I find it’s cornyness (is that a word) indearing! Harlan Howard who wrote more than 1000 songs during that era for stars like Patsy, Hank and Buck, attributed his song writing formula as “three cords and the truth. His songs included Pick me up on your way down;Heartache by the numbers;I fall to pieces, just to name a few.
    Our band signs quite a few of Mr. Howards songs. Heartaches for a Dime has become one of our signatures:

    I called you on the phone to say I love you
    That I’d stop by for you at nine
    My heart broke when you said that it’s all over
    Someone else would take up all your time.

    And that’s a lot of heartaches for a dime
    I’ll never know what made you change your mind
    I only know I’ve held you close and kissed you my last time
    That’s a lot of heartaches for a dime.

    Gotta Love it! 🙂

    See? That’s what I mean; the old country boys got it right. Great country lyrics are timeless. I didn’t realize Harlan wrote so many songs – Heartaches by the Number is a wonderful song, and Patsy…well what can you say? She’s timeless. When country started going the way of Top 40/New Country, it lost something for me, and while good lookin’ beefcake boys singing country are OK, they don’t really look like they’re SUFFERING enough. George and Johnny and Merle and Hank always looked sad and heartbroken and by God, they were! I want troubled souls, dammit! Troubled!

    See, this is why we’re related – only sad country songs will do for us.

  12. 12 RubyShooZ August 24, 2007 at 12:59 pm

    I’m with you OB – in the olden days of yore those songs were good but as Lynn Anderson said, “I never promised you a rose garden.”

    Peace, love and twangs.

    Loved your Peace, love & twangs. You got a laugh out of me with that one kiddo!

  13. 13 Red August 24, 2007 at 1:38 pm

    Oh yes, give me some Johnny Cash and George Jones, throw in a bit of Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard, and all will be good. The new stuff? Psh, please. I’d rather not.
    Even my 8 year old knows what’s up! Johnny Cash is her man.

    So the little bugger is cultivating her good taste already, I see. The Man in Black ruled.

  14. 14 bkingsley August 24, 2007 at 4:42 pm

    I second your motion for Willie, George, and Merle. Of course, don’t forget Hank and of course David Allen Coe! To quote my favorite Williams, Hank the Third…

    So I’m here to put the “dick” in Dixie
    and the “cunt” back in country
    ‘Cause the kind of country I hear now days
    is a bunch of fuckin’ shit to me
    They say that I’m ill-mannered
    that I’m gonna self-destruct
    But if you know what I’m thinkin’
    you’ll know that pop country really sucks

    Now THAT’s what I’m talkin’ about! Nice addition! And let’s absolutely add Hank and DAC to that list.

  15. 15 Paul Baylay August 24, 2007 at 5:05 pm

    New Zealand did have Hillbillies but my parents live in Australia these days and I have moved to Berlin…

    Well, I’m glad to see you’re spreading the joy. We have multitudes of hillibillies here in good old Missouri. That would be SOUTH MO, not in the more refined (well, slightly more refined) northwestern part of the state. Of course we ARE close to Kansas, thus diluting the refinement even further…

  16. 16 anonymum August 24, 2007 at 6:31 pm

    not only are kiwi’s hillbillies, they have a habit of doing unmentionable things with sheep you know!
    now they’re starting to invade oz to try out our sheep…in the cities you’ll find lots of them VERY close to the ugg boots in shoe shops 😉

    This is starting to sound strangely familiar…

  17. 17 Simonne August 25, 2007 at 8:13 am

    Does New Zealand have hillbillies? Pfft! Yeeees!

  18. 18 Graffiti August 25, 2007 at 1:01 pm

    Yes New Zealander’s do have hills full of billies and they marry their cousins as well. But it must be remembered that new Zealand is not the 8th state of Australia.

    Nicole certainly married a lemon when old Keith came along, but then she did leave Tom for him so is that a positive or negative move? ummmmm?


    Methinks she should have gone for George Clooney.
    I’m finding the Aussie vs. NZ discussion very interesting! Who knew? This is exactly the way we feel about folks from Arkansas!

  19. 19 pradapixie August 26, 2007 at 3:31 am

    C&W your lucky, however bad the lyrics…. I get non stop rap from the 16yr old with attitude, including all meals times we take together. And we we do sit together at the table most days, so I get lucky on that one but….. OOHH I was going to write out some rap lyrics but they are just too vile, so use your imagination !!

    Ooooh, the rap IS vile. My sympathies – the only consolation there is that they DO grow up eventually!

  20. 20 totaltransformation August 26, 2007 at 1:10 pm

    “I wonder, do they have hillbillies in New Zealand?”

    I didn’t know they had country music.

    Go figure. It’s gone worldwide now.

  21. 21 anandamide August 26, 2007 at 1:15 pm

    I’m with you on the old country/new country thing. How can these new guys listen to Hank Williams/Merle Haggard/George Jones etc. and then look themselves in the mirror? The money must be good…..

    There seems to be a huge audience for it which makes me worry about the sorry state of musical taste. These are the people who elected GWB. Twice.

  22. 22 Paul Baylay August 27, 2007 at 10:15 am

    Hey what’s with the Kiwi bashing here… To all of my Aussie “friends” here I can only say lets settle this on the Rugby field starting next week with the World Cup… then we will see who the Hillbillies are.

    Let’s not forget that NZ was populated by people who WANTED to be there.. Australia on the other hand was populated by people who were just plain WANTED.

    Paul, I just retrieved this comment from the SPAM bin! I’m not even touching the Oz vs NZ debate – just gonna sit back and enjoy the showdown!

  23. 23 joebec August 27, 2007 at 4:28 pm

    “just blame it on yer lyin’ cheatin’ cold-dead-beatin’ two-timin’ double-dealin’ mean mis-treatin’ lovin’ heart!!”

    can I get a “G” Vanna??

    LOL i hate country with a passion.

    Girl you crack me up! I think that lyric has everything except dogs and mamas in prison in it.

  24. 24 speckledbiter August 27, 2007 at 9:25 pm

    RE Keith Urban: I am left wondering how Nicole Kidman managed to marry two gay men in a row…

    I would recommend Julie Roberts though. And I am a Blue Stater.

    Hey, I’ve heard of her. Will have to check her out. And yes you are a Blue Stater (which I am envious of, by the way!). Poor Nicole, she needs to ask us for relationship advice!

  25. 25 pablo84 September 25, 2007 at 7:18 pm

    Nice blog!
    I would add Waylon to the list of true music that’s gone now.
    I don’t live in the US and english isn’t my native language but when I listen to the mentioned artists (they are/were true artists) I feel true emotions. I don’t quite understand which people fall in the “hillbilly” category are but i heard a lot of well educated people lacking emotional learning making fun of country people just as they were all the same.

    Today this music (like most popular genres) is like a representation, ain’t no country anymore, just a look and feel, it don’t seem to come from life but movies and tv shows or clips, or bad pop music influences, stolen lyrics or fragments that don’t mean shit. Going back to roots is not easy today and the industry (ruled by well educated people) keeps manufacturing fake replicas for consumption, with the main (if not the only) purpose being making more money.
    I blame schools and the educational system, which along the media serves to the interests of those who own big portions of the country. They don’t care about art, history or anything but gold, oil etc…
    Excuse my english, i hope you understand my point.

  26. 26 Diann Cornell February 23, 2008 at 8:32 am

    You guys are so right. I spent 30 years playing in country bands and man do I miss the good old days. Last night my husband and I were traveling on 94 back home and we found this top 5 at 9 country station so we were curious. There was not one song worth listening to. I was so upset to see where country has gone. Who votes for stuff like that. The only audience they could possibly have is a bar room filled with red neck drunken fools!

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