These guys ain’t got nothin’ on us, people!

Mama is pissed!  Fastest Growing Blogs.  People, you cannot be fucking serious…

#1 on the hit parade is Coco Cream’s Craft Closet.    Tagline:  My crafts, my life, my thoughts…and a few photos, too!   
Observant sez:  Crafts = BORING.  Pictures of crafts = EXTREMELY BORING.
Average comments per last 5 posts:  1.6

#2.  Blog of Too Many Things. Tagline:  From the trenches for geeks.
Observant sez:  You’re a TOR geek and your ProtoGoth icon match is Herman Munster.  And this means???    As far as I’m concerned, this is already two too many things to know about you. 
Average comments per last 5 posts:  3

#3: Mark on WordPress.  Tagline: WordPress puts food on my table.
Observant sez:  And we’re surprised you’re on this list because???
Comment average:  3

#4.  Dry Fly Politics.  Tagline:  None, although he has a Mitt Romney for President badge on his site. 
Observant sez:   All Mitt Romney all the time = BORING
Average comments:  0.2!!!!!! 

#5.  Spices in Life.  Tagline:  Cooking for the senses
Observant sez:  Finally, a site with something to say.  These are, I believe (and correct me if I’m wrong), Indian recipes – complete with nice pics.  Looks like a new site, with only 1155 hits so far. 
Comment average:  7.4  

#6.  Fighting it out.  Tagline: The alternate existence
Observant sez:  This is a site dedicated to dissecting soccer matches and talking politics.   This is not only BORING, but the soccer and politics is NOT an alternate existence. 
Comment average:  1.25

#7.   Golf Ace.  Tagline:  Musings of a golf addict
Observant sez:   OK, everybody now     –   BORING! BORING! BORING!
Comment average:  0.2

Let’s sum up, shall we? 

  1. The fastest growing blogs are generally sports and/or politic related rehashings of stuff one reads online every day. 
  2. With the exception of the recipe blog, they are BORING. 
  3. With the exception of Spices in Life, it appears their millions of readers are mostly silent lurkers.  Who knows if these people are actually being read and not just passed by? 
  4. If one wants to really be entertained and/or educated, read any blog on my roll!
  5. Everyone on MY blogroll is actually read and updated on an almost daily basis.
  6. Our blogging community is THE BEST.  These guys might get an honorable mention on the site dashboard, but baby we’re the real deal (and we have a hell of a LOT more fun!)
  7. The absense of any sexual content or naughty language in the Top 7 leads me to believe these are actually the fastest growing G-rated sites, otherwise… 
  8. We’d be rocking the Fastest Growing list like a motherfucker!

29 Responses to “These guys ain’t got nothin’ on us, people!”

  1. 1 Deb September 15, 2007 at 9:53 pm

    I never get the sports people. I mean, isn’t it a lot more interesting to play soccer as opposed to watching it? Though it is probably more about the beer than the game. But that doesn’t explain the endless conversations about it! And the invisible leagues!

    Oy. But yeah, we rock so much harder! 😀

    I don’t get the TV channels and radio stations dedicated to nothing but watching and talking about sports. Now there are blogs and websites for them…get a life, people! We’re having a lot more fun, aren’t we?

  2. 2 Deb September 15, 2007 at 10:09 pm

    Totally having more fun! 😀

  3. 3 poseidonsmuse September 15, 2007 at 11:27 pm

    LMFAO right here, right now! I have so been meaning to post a similar sardonic post on such nonsensical crap as this. I mean, what exactly does it mean to be one of the “Fastest Growing Blogs in WordPress” anyways? Sports, spices and crafts? (wtf?). Oh, and I was really impressed with the comment averages on these sites too. I mean – these blogs actually managed to rustle up 0.2 of a comment (what is that?). Our community Rocks and our community Rolls. If we can’t make the fastest growing list, then we should make the “Coolest” list! Woo hoo. Love ya OB! Way to make us proud! xoxo

    We are absolutely the fastest growing bloggers that actually aim to please. The 0.2 average people got one comment in 5 whole posts! Yet they continue to write and write. I kind of need the feedback, you know?

  4. 4 Bella September 15, 2007 at 11:58 pm

    Shit, man, you are so funny! I love to go to a blog and read about someone’s every day happenings and their take on it (among other things). We are real bloggers, blog’n ’bout REAL everyday thoughts and feelings! Amen. Love this post. You are an amazing woman and I’m proud to have you on my blogroll! Thanks!

    Thanks Ms B! Right back atcha!

  5. 5 anonymum September 16, 2007 at 1:59 am

    a-fucking-men sista!!
    it would seem if you’re not a geek, political or into craft and sport you’re screwed with this lot…i LOVE wordpress, don’t get me wrong, but the way they work out the “top” blogs and “fastest growing blogs” sucks!
    like you, my blogroll has more happening in it than the crap that makes those lists…real people, real posts, real comments and real responses..any peanut with half a brain can rehash what’s in the main stream news…shit, i’ve got a 6 year old granddaughter can that, and probably better than some of these twits! and yeah, we have shit loads of fun and that’s worth more to me…
    if they all seem G rated that’s me and the nook fucked hey??? 😆
    shit happens…
    having said that i will check out the recipe blog…indian and spices together sound like a hit to me!
    great post..brilliant…

    Looks like we’re all screwed if we’re not a family kind of read. Yeah the recipe blog looked pretty good. I purposely didn’t link any of the blogs – didn’t want them getting any more hits than they already have!! Thanks Moe!

  6. 6 Arm Jerker J. September 16, 2007 at 9:06 am

    Oooh girl! It had to be said! I feel the same way. I wrote about this same thing last week. Some people put in their two cents there too. The other big ones are usually about celebrity or Wentworth from Prison Break. It pisses me off royally. Or about technology. The Korean entertainment scene is also a big one. I wish they didn’t have a restriction on language/content. I think there would be a lot of your list on their more often. I was a growing blog like once and a top post like twice. It doesn’t happen often but I’m in news departments quite a bit. Ah. But I still long for another round as a hawt post. Those were the days..

    I feel honored to be in your roll.

    I missed that post – going to stop by shortly for a read. Yes, I wonder how many truly interesting blogs are out there that don’t get mentioned due to their content. It seems our network keeps growing, and I think we’re lucky to have so many in this group making the effort every day to visit around and expand a bit more. It sure would be great to be a hot post once though! Thanks sweetie – I’m glad to have you here!

  7. 7 V- September 16, 2007 at 9:28 am

    Coco Cream’s Craft Closet – no offense Coco, but that’s sounds like a SNL skit! or the women who work in my beige office, with their beige suits, who drive there beige SUV’s and invite me to “Scrapbook Parites” 😦

    I love your blog and your blog roll OB. You are the only blogger I know who could possibly blog about golf or soccer matches and make it entertaining. So execept for the spices of life blog, I think I’ll pass.

    Oh man, don’t you LOVE that name? V, stay away from scrapbooking. It is a cult that has contaminated the very water we drink. Yes, I have made “scrapbooks” for gifts, but they are actually scrapbook parodies that look more like smart ass comic books when I’m done. Many sorries to my lovelies out there that scrapbook….don’t hate me!!!

  8. 8 V- September 16, 2007 at 9:37 am

    I have three half finished scrapbooking attempts in my attic that I have been working on since my kids were little….I’m just bitter that’s all. My appologies to any crafters out there. 🙂

    I actually did one serious scrapbook for Julian when he graduated from high school – 13 years of soccer and 4 years of band. It wasn’t half bad and he actually kept it!

  9. 9 Doktor Holocaust September 16, 2007 at 10:42 am

    those are just the fastest growing, meaning they may have jumped from 2 readers a week to 4 within the past couple months, technically doubling their traffic.

    The most popular blog on wordpress is still I Can Has Cheezburger, thankfully. Without whimsical pictures of kittens, the internet would just be porn and crazy people.

    Must be a formula that uses some of the funny math. I think we must fall into the porn & crazy people catagories.

  10. 10 pradapixie September 16, 2007 at 1:09 pm

    Fab really fab, must visit them asap…. NOT
    Your right the sites we write and visit are the best and who needs nerds united to be top of any sodding list anyway. Rather read you any day my dear.

    And me, you Pix! My philosophy is that i wouldn’t want to be on a list that would put me on it.

  11. 11 AnthonyNorth September 16, 2007 at 3:25 pm

    Hi OB,
    The list is usually quite rubbish, but there are highlights – at least, I hope you think so. I’ve made it onto the list about a dozen times (we’re talking 100 here guys), but didn’t stay long. I once even made it into top ten posts. It was a quiet period, though.

    OK, now I’m just flippin’ jealous, North! Do they notifiy you when you make the list, or do you just have to check it? Cause I don’t really check it so technically I could have been on there about a bazillion times already!

  12. 12 writerchick September 16, 2007 at 3:39 pm

    Hey Karen,
    What kills me is the comment stats for these blogs. Are they like kidding? It’s all fine and well if they get a bagillion hits (are they counting their spame cuz in that case I have another 35,000 hits to add to my blog) if nobody reads them. What a joke.

    As usual, you are hilarious and always make me laugh my ass off. Rock on sistah! We are the champions (can you hear the music now? sing along…)


    I’m cranking up the Freddy Mercury right now! Thanks Annie!

  13. 13 abarclay12 September 16, 2007 at 5:33 pm

    I’ve always wondered what in theeee hell is up with WordPress making some of those sites the blogs of the universe or whatever they’re calling them. The I Can Haz Cheezeburger site is some of the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen, but it’s like outrageously popular for some reason. I guess people like to put words in kittens’ mouths. Anyway, such a good posting because I have no idea how WordPress decides who’s on their top blogs or fastest blogs, etc. They say they have a “secret complex formula,” and I for one want to know what the hell it is.

    Anyhow, good stuff today. I agree with your other comment – that Coco’s Cream Craft Closet sounds either weirdly, secretly sexual or like an SNL skit.

    It’s actually a secret recipie of 37 herbs and spices. OMG, Coco Cream sounds like a porn name!!!

  14. 14 Red September 16, 2007 at 6:08 pm

    I do believe that the catcheezeburger site thingy pays to have their site up there on top. I could be wrong, it has happened before. But that’s what I’ve heard through the grapevine, ya know.
    I dont undastand, OB. They all suck. I s’ppose noone can be perfect like us. hahah!
    Your site makes me pee myslf a little.

    Yeah, I’m almost positive you’re right about Cheezeburger; I’ve heard that before. But it really sucks when some crap site can pay a bunch of money to be a top blog Here is a quote from their “About” page:

    I Can Has Cheezburger is a site that gathers, organizes, tags, and captions what we hope is the most funny and slightly weird pictures of lolcats and lol* (other animals) from the Internet

    And I say “Whoop de do”.

  15. 15 Doktor Holocaust September 16, 2007 at 6:27 pm

    Porn and Crazy People. Sounds like the title of a wacky sitcom. I like it.

    Coming to Fox in October: ‘Crazy Porn People’ – starring Coco Cream as a briefly well-known craft blogger who has recently fallen on hard times and is now trying her luck at stripping. Unfortunately, she suffers from an addiction to her Bedazzler. Hijinks abound when the other strippers, perpetually dismayed to find their stripper outfits tackily emblazoned with Coco’s bedazzling efforts, routinely attempt to sabatoge Coco’s stripper pole gymnastics by greasing the pole or partially sawing it in half. Part of Fox’s Must-Puke Wednesday night lineup.

  16. 16 romi41 September 16, 2007 at 10:36 pm

    Hahaha, I think you read A LOT of people’s minds when you wrote that; what irks me the MOST is the Hot or “HAWT” post of the day; I rack my brain: what makes this post so “HAWT”? Half the time it’s some stooge talking about investing and shit, OR some idiot talking about the latest ipod and shit (which we can all learn about by reading any newspaper or watching any TV)…seriously, what’s going on there? I read once in a forum that the “hawt post” people pay some regular fee to be on there once a month or something…

    And another thing, almost ANY time you click on the humor tag, to see the latest humor posts, the feature post is always this strange man holding a key, and he has a big crazy manical smile on his face, and his blog post is described in Spanish or some language I don’t understand…but it never fails, he ALWAYS has the feature post!!…bah…whatever, our blogrolls hold the key to the “cool kingdom”

    So there!


    It’s a huge WordPress conspiracy! We’re out here working our asses off to write some quality shit when all we really need to do to get noticed by WordPress is to slip them a few thousand bucks! It’s the classis Money Talks scenario. Watch me get booted from WordPress now!! Go ahead suckers!!!

  17. 17 anonymum September 17, 2007 at 12:43 am

    porn and crazy people..sounds like a blog name to me! 😎
    no, not for me i can assure you, but you have some pretty funny and smart people running around on your blogroll ob…perhaps they’ll see the comment, get it happening we can work on getting them the best damned stats they could wish for? skin those bastard cheezburgers??

    Hahaha!! Moe, you kill me with your “skin those bastard cheezburgers”!!!!

  18. 18 AnthonyNorth September 17, 2007 at 1:22 am

    Hey, OB, I can see the green glow from here 🙂 Want me to make it feel better?
    My latest post, ‘Creation and Meaning’, was No 60 on Top Posts when I logged on this morning. You’ve commented on it, so you’re being read, too, and maybe linked to.
    How do you know you’re there? Sometimes you get a pingback, but if you get any referrals on your blog stats from wordpress dot com, then you’re on one of the top 100 lists.
    How they work it out, I haven’t a clue. A couple of weeks ago I had a post picked up by Coast to Coast AM, leading to some 5,000 hits in two days. This didn’t appear on any of the lists. I think it might have been censored, or deemed inappropriate for a general audience as it was about vampires – I don’t know.

    Coast to Coast? Wow, I’m still glowing here. That is THE best UFO/paranormal show ever! 5000 hits you say? I only dream of 5000 hits… I think I’ll check the lists now.

  19. 19 Paul Baylay September 17, 2007 at 3:36 am

    Actually I think that the cheezburger thing is a secret David Hasselhof fan club. Its the only way to explain its popularity…. I’m not too bothered about the whole list thingey.. I know who I like to read and I don’t need a list to point me in your direction.

    More please…

    Hasselhof – Yes!!! I think you’ve nailed it there, Paul.
    (Aw, thanks for the ‘more please’)

  20. 20 Doktor Holocaust September 17, 2007 at 4:19 am

    and the rival show on the WB, “Crazy People Porn” in which apophemic blogger Dok Holocaust is institutionalized in a discount mental institution for the harmless-most-of-the-time-but-not-always insane that covers its patients’ costs by doubling as a porn studio and occasionally casting the patients. SEE inside the mind of one of the internet’s least-known conspiracy theorists. FEEL the mounting paranoia. LAUGH until you wet yourself.

    If it’s funny enough, Red will pee a little bit when she laughs…

  21. 21 anonymum September 17, 2007 at 5:51 am

    see!! doktor holocaust!! there’s the first post!!!
    what are you waiting for!! 😎

    I think if you submit a script to the WB, they might pick it up.

  22. 22 Laura Stamps September 17, 2007 at 7:16 am

    I just discovered your blog. What a hoot! Sending you lots of faery dust today!!

    Hey Laura, thanks for stopping by! I’ve seen you around the ‘hood. I’ll stop over for a visit!

  23. 23 RubyShooZ September 17, 2007 at 9:26 am

    I dunno, count me on the out crowd as per usual but I’ve found some interesting blogs there at times – even mine I’m shocked to say. It’s just a matter of timing when you look I think. I believe they cycle through them too so it wouldn’t surprise me to see any one of our blogs up there.

    I’ve seen a few from the folks who have commented here – and I’m not saying who but I’m sure I’ve seen yours too.

    Here’s to love and peace in blogville and – even – boring posts. If they weren’t boring, people wouldn’t be looking for more – like this one – to be entertained by.

    Peace and posts.

    Thanks girlfriend! I must not be paying attention most of the time cuz I’m SURE I’ve got to be on a Best Of list somewhere…

    ~ RS ~

  24. 24 Doktor Holocaust September 17, 2007 at 4:08 pm

    Same here, unfortunately. and more than a little, thanks to my coffee intake.

    Oh yeah, I hear ya.

  25. 25 BlueAthena September 17, 2007 at 5:15 pm

    Oh, yep, that Spice one is definitely the only thing there that looks remotely interesting. I was once a post of the hour or something and it was clearly totally random. Never believed this stuff since then.

    Blue! Long time no hear! I was reading some of the WordPress forums about this stuff today – they are strangely silent on their ‘top post’ criteria. Methinks it’s all bullshit.

  26. 26 joebec September 18, 2007 at 5:00 pm

    You are speakin the truth my darlin friend!! AWWWW I LUVS YOU TOO!!!

    I don’t understand the big deal with alot of these blogs either, especially that fucking icanhascheezburger POS with fucking pictures of kittens all over it… are you KIDDING me?? i did a post about that. my post was funnier than any of their fucking stupid kitten pics.

    wow, that felt good! thanks!

    Reg, ANYTHING you write is better than cheezeburger could every conceive of writing. And you don’t even have to pay WordPress $600 a month to be good…

  27. 27 Jess September 24, 2007 at 6:47 pm

    (A week later, catching up on my google reader……I’m so out of touch)
    I think the Coco Cream is #1 because of the title…as in, “if you want some cream come to coco” type deal. There’s a lot of unhappy guys out there right now. Pissed cuz all they got was a look at some crafts.
    And you are so right about these bloggers…I scoot to pretty much everyone around here, and it’s always the places with the best reads.

  28. 28 Jess September 24, 2007 at 6:48 pm

    It’s late and I’ve had too much wine, so please excuse the appalling grammar in the previous comment. It’s making my edit-y self cringe…

  1. 1 nanny’s nook » take a guess… Trackback on September 22, 2007 at 10:28 pm

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