Let’s do some updating, shall we?

Let’s do some updating, shall we?  I haven’t been able to find my usual warped sense of humor lately (gee Observant, no shit) so I will do a little information housekeeping instead.

  1. Ken’s son, Danny is on his way back home from his 6 months in Iraq.    Not only did this badass Marine make it through his 3rd tour of duty over in that hellhole, he survived a divorce, too.  Not one to let the grass grow under his feet, Danny’s already got a new hottie girlfriend lined up.  Since he’ll be taking a new assignment as a drill instructor, he’ll have stateside duty for the next 3 years.  His father is relieved, to say the least.
  2. Not only am I tired of the Iraq war, I’m REALLY tired of Ken Burns’ The War now.  Thankfully, it’s the last episode tonight and once we bomb the Japs to kingdom come, it will finally be over.  No wonder I’ve lost my sense of humor.
  3. My parents enjoyed their trip to France – but when a group of elderly folks get together for any length of time, someone’s bound to need an ambulance.   This time it was my aunt, who fell down some stairs, broke her glasses and bruised up her face.  The good news is that the old folks are now huge converts to socialized medicine.  “Thirty dollars for that ER visit.  Can you BELIEVE it?  Thirty dollars.  And the doctor wasn’t some hack, let me tell you.  This guy knew what he was doing!”    It’s a big fucking deal when you can impress my skinflint relatives.    Yes, France was a huge success.
  4. One of my very good friends, who some of you may know as PrisonMike – semi-regular commenter here at the Observation Deck – had a heart attack last weekend.  He’ll probably kill me for putting this out on the Web but it’s my site, dammit, so there.    Anyway, after two days and two stents he’s back home and on the mend.  Of course he had to call me tonight to extol the virtues of Chantexand its miraculous stop-smoking abilities (and me, puffing away on the other end of the line was thinking “oh fuck, I’ve really got to stop smoking these things.”).       If you feel the urge to leave him a comment here, he’ll be sure to see it since he’s on Heart Attack Sick Leave for the next few days – which means he’s sitting around the house watching Jerry Springer on TV and reading blogs on the Internet.  Get well soon, Mikie!  You are a never-ending source of laughs and general amusement for me, so if you die it will thoroughly piss me off.  And I promise to stop smoking the cancer sticks, since you did.  I guess this means no more smoke breaks for us, buddy.   I suppose we could just have cussing and spitting contests instead. 
  5. Observant and her faithful companion Ken have decided to add a Master Suite to the house.  Since I am Anal Retentive (took the test, passed), the planning stage is taking forever.  But since I am also a Miser (again, took the test, passed), I want to know EXACTLY how much it’s going to cost.  Which means I’ll be horribly disappointed when it goes over.  But I’m ready for that, so it won’t be a total downer.    I hear Master Suites are all the rage these days but we’re  more interested in having a bedroom on the first floor so we won’t have to climb stairs during our twilight years. 

Because an ER visit here in the US costs a whole lot more than $30.00. 

There you have it, folks – all the news that’s fit to print today.   Looks like we’re about to deliver the A bomb to Japan – and just in the nick of time too.   I hope Ken Burns waits a few years before he delivers his next mega-documentary..

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15 Responses to “Let’s do some updating, shall we?”


  1. 1 Doktor Holocaust October 2, 2007 at 8:02 pm

    i have a master suite. Starts at my front door, two rooms deep, one-and-a-half wide. I call it Holocaust Labs, aka The Apartment of Solitude, G.R.O.S.S. Local #13013

    yeah, it’s basically a dingy low-rent extremely-nerdy-bachelor-pad, but it’s home.

    Yeah, but is it a walk-up apartment. You know, you have to think about stuff like that when you get old..

  2. 2 Arm Jerker J. October 2, 2007 at 10:01 pm

    “when a group of elderly folks get together for any length of time, someone’s bound to need an ambulance…” that is so true. and it’s usually hip-related! But then again, I’m a notorious klutz myself. sounds like the people around you keep you plenty busy to not have time for that sense of humor! congrats on the home edition by the way.

    The aunt now has a new pair of very fasionable glasses, which she is proud to tell anyone who’ll listen only cost her $10.00 at WalMart. A family of skinflints we are!

  3. 3 Bella October 3, 2007 at 12:53 am

    Happy days that Ken’s son will be home. This war has been weighing me down and making me rather blue. Sounds like Danny will be homebound for now too, which is wonderful for you and your family 🙂

    Sorry you are not feeling well PrisonMike – get better soon!

    Master suite? Oh, sounds lovely, go for it! It’ll be worth any money you put into it! I’m jealous 🙂

    You’re jealous and I’m scared shitless of the whole process! You’d think, having a family and whole extended posse of construction worker friends, this would be a breeze. However, I know the perils of home improvement projects! Danny will be landing safely on US soil on Sunday morning. And not a day too soon, I might add.

  4. 4 Deb October 3, 2007 at 5:03 am

    Get well PrisonMike!

    Good to hear that Danny is on his way home! It is especially good to hear that he’ll be stateside for a few years, at least.

    And it sounds like Ken Burns should think about doing a documentary on the tsetse fly. It is a fascinating topic, and one that has been sorely neglected. :p

    No! Not the tsetse fly! My brain cells will certainly be weary…

  5. 5 poseidonsmuse October 3, 2007 at 8:22 am

    Thanks for the update OB!

    Get well Prison Mike!

    Yay for Danny (good news indeed)!

    Get well Auntie (falling on your schnoz has got to hurt…)!

    Horrah for the new bedroom (Any themes planned yet? I’m thinking “French Country”!)

    xoxo

    French Country is my favorite – it’s the way I redid my kitchen. Great minds think alike, no?

  6. 6 prisonmike October 3, 2007 at 10:16 am

    As they say in the business, any publicity is good publicity, baby! I’m not angry I was outed, perish the thought!
    Yes, I had a slight MI Saturday evening. I’d spent the day with my 27 year old tearing apart the 3.1 liter V6 in his 2000 Malibu to replace the notoriously shitty intake manifold gaskets that seem to plague every one of these motors at one time or another. (Thanks GM! Sucking corporate wind are ya? Imagine that.)
    So, at various times during the day, I would tell my son I had to use the bathroom. I’d walk into the house, chew 3 or 4 aspirin, take a nitro, and sit down. I was having symptoms and knew it bc this ain’t my first time on the cardiac merry-go-round. That evening, after the love of my life arrived home, I showered and was sitting in my chair putting my shoes on when I knew it was time. She called the meatwagon, I arrived at Carondelet Medical Center at around 8:35 pm, and by 9:50 pm, I was in the cath lab getting two stents installed in my right coronary artery. Recovery was uneventful and I came home the next day.
    I did call OB and discuss the Chantix last night. She’s been on the fence about quitting for a long time, like all sane smokers are these days. We’re not stupid, we know these things are bad for you, and expensive, and cause people to look down at you, and make you stink, and make your spouse/SO worried about you. Yet…..we smoke anyway because …. well… we derive a sense of pleasure from it. The receptors in our brain cry out for the nicotine elixer until you’re as overwhelmed as new mother with a squalling baby. So instead of plugging a bottle into the screaming child, you plug a cigarette into your mouth. You get an immediate “attaboy” from the receptors in your brain and all is right with the world. For about 30 minutes. Then the cycle starts up again. That’s addiction.
    I don’t mean to sound like a commercial, but Chantix is a nicotine receptor blocker. It stops their incessent braying and you don’t crave a cigarette. I haven’t had one since Saturday afternoon and I don’t want one at all. Honestly.
    I have no great admiration for drug companies. I hate their stupid-ass commercials. The Vitorin one comes immediately to mind. Food and people that look like food? And that music. Pleaseeee. However, Chantix works. I know it does because by this time in my two previous cardiac episodes, I was looking for excuses to leave the house and sneak a cigarette. Not now, though. Like Pete Townshend wrote, “I’m Free!”
    I’m sorry if this seems wordy, but like OB said, I’m convolesing and have time. Plus I think this needed to be said. Cheers, everyone.

    See, this is why you need to blog buddy-boy. You’re a superb writer, even when you’re shilling for the drug companies! Ha! I’m kidding, ya know. I detest those Vytorin commercials. I always wonder if the people know they’re posing to look like a side of ham or a standing rib roast. There’s no way I’d put myself out there to look like a ham. Maybe if the money was good….yeah probably then. OK, definitely then.

    Are we still going to see them set the cesspool Brush Creek on fire in a couple of weeks?

  7. 7 prisonmike October 3, 2007 at 12:33 pm

    Flush Creek on fire? Hells yeah! Wouldn’t miss it.

    Yippee skippy! It’s a date.

  8. 8 Red October 3, 2007 at 1:02 pm

    Good to see you’re still kicking, MrPrisonMike.

    Bless Ken’s boy for serving over there and coming home safely!

    And the Auntie that broke her fashionable $10 glasses. Poor woman, did her face recover?

    Good luck on the suite. I’m sure it’ll be a bitch to do, but well worth it once it’s complete.

    Thanks for all the good wishes, MsRed! I’ve been so busy these past few days and haven’t been around to properly comment on blogs. Hopefully my time will free up somewhat in the next couple of days. Miss you!

  9. 9 V- October 3, 2007 at 3:12 pm

    I’m on day 11 of not smoking. The Easy Way to Quit Smoking by Alan Carr was recommended by Simonne and it really does help. Although, I’m pretty freaking grumpy, but that may just be my personality…

    I’m glad you’re feeling better PrisonMike. Please don’t wait so long next time to head to the ER. Why do you guys always have to be so damned stuborn? Take care of yourself. You’ve got a wonderful family who loves you very much.

    OB, hope to see you at the blogger meet-up tomorrow!

    V – I will be there, only late. I have a function out by the Speedway at 5pm that I HAVE to attend, but am ditching at 6 to head over to the meetup. Should be there by 6:30. I’m going to attempt the not smoking thing this weekend.

  10. 10 AnthonyNorth October 3, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    Hi OB,
    Tell Danny to make sure he kick’s ass in his new job as a DI. That’s how they learn to keep their head’s down.

    He’s such a tough guy, I’m sure he’ll teach his new recruits the correct Marine way to stay safe!

  11. 11 joebec October 3, 2007 at 4:09 pm

    great to hear Ken’s son is coming home! and get well to PrisonMike!

    good to hear things are going over all very well for you right now. don’t worry lil’ mamma, you’ll get your mojo back in no time and have us in stitches!

    Thanks Reggie, girl! How’s the new boyfriend working out? I hear he’s a goooood kisser.

  12. 12 Doktor Holocaust October 3, 2007 at 7:18 pm

    no, it’s a walk-into. ground floor. bad knees run in the family, and when I moved in I was having a lot of respiratory trouble (and the stairs, exposed to the elements as they are and made of wood, didn’t strike me as a good idea).

    Nice to hear that you youngun’s are taking care of yourselves! Gotta watch those stairs, especially during the winter. Do you have winter where you are?

  13. 13 ~m October 4, 2007 at 7:27 am

    but when a group of elderly folks get together for any length of time, someone’s bound to need an ambulance.

    This line killed me. I’m still laughing.
    Hopefully, you’re poor aunt is on the mend.
    You most certainly have a way with words, OB
    As far as Iraq, I’m with you . . . sick to death of it (ad nauseum)
    ~m

    Hey Michael! That’s the line that convinced me my humor genes were on the mend! Then I started making fun of that lady from Alabama on The War (“Oh Sidney, we were so worried about you!”) and then I REALLY knew.

  14. 14 m.toast October 4, 2007 at 8:33 am

    >Not only am I tired of the Iraq war, I’m REALLY tired of Ken Burns’ The War now.

    I’m right there with ya. Can’t stop watching though. Excellent stuff. I’ve been trying to watch it in small, minimally depressing chunks.

    Looking forward to seeing you at meatupness!

    Hey Toast! Don’t know if you saw my reply to V’s comment, but I’ll be there – although a bit late. So wait for me! Bloody Mary’s tonight for me…

  15. 15 Doktor Holocaust October 4, 2007 at 7:20 pm

    we have Apocalyptic Ice From the Sky, and large comp[ensating-for-somethingmobiles that turn into explosive-fossil-fuel-filled high-speed curling stones when the ice hits.

    Most people here have learned to handle the icy roads, having lived here longer than me. but I’m originally from the Gulf Coast, and have driven through the eyes of several tropical storms (on my way to and from colleges) and feel I can safely say that they have no clue how to drive in rain.

    Tis true. Have lived in both climates and I cant tell you one cannot do the other (southerners cannot drive in snow and the others can’t drive in rain). I, myself am an ace driver in any climate and all kinds of weather-related hazards


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