Lightbulb moments

These are some of my favorites. Leave us a comment and tell us your favorite lightbulb joke.

Q. How many dadists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Fish

Q. How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two: One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Q: How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You cannot change a light bulb. By its nature it will go out again.

Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There is nothing to change.

Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?

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14 Responses to “Lightbulb moments”


  1. 1 M. October 17, 2007 at 9:26 am

    I homeschooled my daughter until this fall… I always loved this lightbulb joke!

    Q: How does a home schooler change a light bulb?

    A: First, mom checks three books on electricity out of the library, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based on his life. Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles. Next, everyone takes a trip to the store here they compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much change they’ll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five dollar bill. On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five dollar bill. Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed. And there is light.

    That was brilliant! (pun intended)

  2. 2 poseidonsmuse October 17, 2007 at 10:23 am

    Wow M! And let there be Light…Wonderful light bulb “joke”…

    I really like the Pet/Dog versions of the Lightbulb jokes.

    Apparently, various breeds of dogs will change the bulbs differently (here are some of my favourites):

    -Border Collie = “Just one, and I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.”

    -Chihuahua = “Yo quero Taco Bulb”

    -Greyhound = “It isn’t moving…who needs to change it!”

    Lol! Have a great day OB! xoxo

    Very good, Muse. I should have known you’d have a greyhound one in there to share!

  3. 3 Doktor Holocaust October 18, 2007 at 6:17 am

    None of the ones I know will make much sense to people outside my weird little fandom cultures and cults and whatnot, but here they are.

    “How many SubGeniuses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1,567,654. 1,567,652 to invent, finance and build the Mass-Clustering Atomic
    Compression Device or Shrinking Machine, and two to get inside the
    lightbulb.” – originally by Rev. Ivan Stang

    and for a few of my own…

    How many necrophiles does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they’re more interested in turning on the dead bulb.

    How many tabletop role-playing-gamers does it take to change a lightbulb? At least four. Two to argue over how to change a bulb correctly, one to nasally intone what the rulebook says on lightbulb-changing, One to insist that the first two stay in character while arguing about the lighbulb and to tell the third to get his cheeto-fingers off their rulebooks, and any number of others to get fed up with this and go play a Vampire LARP where they don’t argue about lightbulbs.

    How many english majors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Too busy doing a Baidrillardian critique of the text on the lightbulb-packaging to have sex.

    How many mad scientists does it take to change or screw in a lightbulb? What do you need it changed into, and how much furniture are you trying to fit in it? Also, you’ll have to pay in cash or plutonium.

    I think I’m going to give you the prize for most entertaining and original lightbulb jokes so far. Especially liked the role-player one – smacks of absolute truth my friend!

  4. 4 poseidonsmuse October 18, 2007 at 9:37 am

    Love the necrophile joke…sick and twisted, but oh so funny!

    Oh I know, the doktor is a perverse comedian

  5. 5 abarclay12 October 18, 2007 at 12:06 pm

    I like the folk singer light bulb joke. Here’s the worst light bulb joke I ever heard (but there’s a bit of truth in it): How many teachers does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: NONE because the teachers all sit around talking about how unbelievable it is that aside from getting paid so very little, now the admin isn’t even going to send someone out to change the goddam lightbulb.

    I have many teacher friends and this sounds about right!

  6. 6 Doktor Holocaust October 18, 2007 at 7:55 pm

    That one wasn’t a joke. You don’t wanna know how many times I’ve injured myself licking an expended light bulb.

    Could be dangerous. Don’t want to slice that tongue open!

  7. 7 poseidonsmuse October 19, 2007 at 8:17 pm

    Oh DH, you’re such a ham!

    OB – I love the Avatar!!! A little creepy though – considering that could be me in MY office (seriously – that pic is a little “close to home”). Nice boots too (and I have a long, grey, woolen skirt like that too…). Cue the Twilight Zone theme….

    So funny, I did that avatar about 2 years ago and it’s what pops up on my yahoo mail account. So if we change the hair color to red, we’re avatar twins!

  8. 8 ~m October 19, 2007 at 8:28 pm

    How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: One. But the light bulb has to want to change.
    Awesome post.
    ~m

    Thanks Michael!

  9. 9 Laurie Kendrick October 20, 2007 at 5:00 pm

    Q: How many clowns does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: As many as they can fit inside

    Q: How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: Wanna go for a bike ride?

    Q: How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: Two, one to screw in the lightbulb and one to hold the pen1s… I mean ladder.

    Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: That’s not funny.

    Q: How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Two, the same number it takes to screw anywhere else.

    Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence.

    This was fun..thanks!!
    LK

    Loved the ADD one. Oh, and the sci-fi one. Glad to see you on the comments, Laurie.

  10. 10 pradapixie October 21, 2007 at 3:12 am

    How many pre-menstral woman does it take to change a lightbulb….
    Three
    Why
    IT JUST FUCKING DOES ALLRIGHT!!!!
    pxx

    Yes! Never argue with a pre-menstral (or menopausal) women.

  11. 11 AnthonyNorth October 21, 2007 at 4:02 pm

    Q: How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: The situation is still under review.

    Q: How many sado-masochists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: Four. A couple and an ambulance crew.

    Being the political junkie I am, I liked that one best!

  12. 12 romi41 October 21, 2007 at 8:20 pm

    the “surrealist” one all the way! I’d be the one holding the giraffe, whilst checking the melting clock to see how much time it took 😉

    I like the dada one a lot too.

  13. 13 joebec October 22, 2007 at 9:45 am

    LOL!! love the bush admin joke! that is classic! i only have one light bulb joke

    How many polocks (i can say that because i’m polish)does it take to change a light bulb?

    2, one to hold the bulb and the other to spin the ladder.

    Oh yeah! And it can be applied to Texas Aggies too!

  14. 14 Joy Zimmerman December 2, 2007 at 8:46 pm

    I love the homeschool one- that is SO my mom! She homeschooled us and we did all the reports and had to go shopping with her and figure out what was the better deal- the 1 lb box at $3.50 or the 3 lb box at $8.88.

    Unfortunately, I’m lame and don’t have any lightbulb jokes…


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