starting over

 

Just when I believe I can keep all the emotional balls in the air (and I believe it with all my heart) confidence falls, rapidly followed by pluck and grit and mettle. 

There are days when you feel like you’re on top of the world, and if you’re like me, those days are usually followed by an abrupt change in the opposite direction.  Out of nowhere, the enormity of decisions  I’ve had to make hit me like a sucker punch and I go down for the count.  Sometimes I stay there until the fight is called and everyone goes home.  Then, and only then, can I pull myself to my feet, dress my wounds, and consciously decide to live to fight the fight again.  

Can I do this by myself again?   Can I live this life without a helper, a partner, a mate to help pick up the slack?  At times I feel my life moving too fast, slipping by at 600 miles an hour at a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet.  Descent is imminent and pre-ordained.   How do I begin to start over again?  How do I begin?

I begin at the beginning and hope not to slide backwards too often.

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3 Responses to “starting over”


  1. 1 sorrow December 23, 2008 at 11:01 pm

    When they ask how i am, I say
    “up and down, like a roller coaster ride. I spent a lot of time with my hands in the air…
    Screaming”

    A perfect analogy. It’s so true, the long uphill climb then the quick descent to the bottom. It only takes a matter of seconds for that high to become a low, and there’s no control over it. None to speak of. Let the screams ring out as a mad, primal catharsis.
    Peace to you, dear heart.

  2. 2 Grace December 24, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    (((( O.B. ))))

    And especially around the holidays…these feelings can feel so much BIGGER.

    Sometimes I wonder if those of us who ask the question “How long can I keep going?” (my particular and current version of what you are saying) aren’t actually ahead of the curve ball. Unlike our SuperWoman sisters, we’re looking around (hopefully) for those that will support us, as we are willing to support others. Even if that other person is our Higher Self or Godd or the Universe….when we realize our own frailties, somehow we actually become stronger.

    Not sure how it works…but it seems to, one day at a time. Soon, we can look back over the last week – month – year – 5 years and say, “Oh hell YEAH, I did it!”

    Merry Christmas to you and yours, sweetheart. Sending you a big hug.

    Grace, you and I have started over many times in our lives! It gets easier every time. Still challenging, but not impossible. Hell yes, I can do it. Have a great New Year, J!

  3. 3 3starpotter December 26, 2008 at 11:48 am

    Yes you can do it. And you will be stronger for it. (I know it sounds sappy, but it’s true if you want it to be.) Because your “helper, partner & mate” didn’t help you pick up the slack. He made MORE slack! And you’ve been doing it all this time by yourself…

    Thanks friend! It gets easier every day…


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