the yes girl

No, it’s not what you’re thinking (and I know what  everyone’s thinking, didn’t you know that?).   As of 3 weeks ago, saying YES is my new response to every social invitation that comes my way these days (OK, I haven’t said yes to doing THAT yet, because I haven’t even been asked. Besides, I’m much pickier than all that…).  I know there’s a new Jim Carrey movie coming out called The Yes Man, but really, that has nothing (nothing!) to do with my new policy, which by the way, I instituted after my last major breakup a decade ago.

So I’ve been spending a lot of times in alcohol-enhanced situations lately and let me tell you, there’s a big difference between being 41 and single and being 51 and single.  Back in 1999, I joined Parents without Partners, a good organization that screens its members before it lets them join.  And while there’s a screening process to weed out the obvious abusers and otherwise dangerous people, you can’t screen for what I like to refer to as Just Plain Loser Status.  And let’s face it, we’re divorced folks.  This means we didn’t screen our own partners very well, or we got blindsided by jackassedness later after the I Dos were said, or we knew they were jackasses but thought we could just ignore that little fact.     After a few organization-sponsored dances down at the VFW (OMG, the fucking VFW, people), I started calling PWP The Loser’s Club.  “No, I won’t be able to do that.  I’m going out with the Losers tonight!”   I never dated anyone from PWP, not that I didn’t have plenty of opportunity.  I just wasn’t interested in dating at that time, only in socializing and meeting people. I’d like to say I made at least one lasting friendship from that experience, but it never happened. 

And now, fast-forwarded one decade, I’ve come to one conclusion:  You generally don’t meet interesting people in bars.  Especially when the median age is about 10 years younger than your own.   And the most scintillating conversation to be had revolves around who fucked who and who’s pissed off about it.   I think I’m more like a beatnik.   Sitting around, drinking wine, wearing turtleneck sweaters and making intelligent conversation while some dude plays the bongos sounds more like my speed.    Groovy.

One upside of hanging at the bar here in our little slice of Heaven is the fact that you can still smoke in bars here.   Having a decent gin & tonic (heavy on the decent dose of gin) while sucking down a cigarette in a public place is a priceless experience these days.  Even when surrounded by throngs of mindless youth.    Had I not said yes to these nights out, I would never have met some of my own neighbors. 

And I’m really looking forward to actually talking to them someday when we’re not drunk and every other word out of our mouth is Fuck. 

Along with my current Yes! experience, I am throwing an actual New Year’s Eve party at Casa Observant.  And being the insecure nutjob that I am, I have frequent visions of me, sitting alone in my house waiting for guests that never show up.   Then one by one, I blow out the candles at midnight, crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep. 

Don’t feel too sorry for me.  I have this anxiety-ridden vision before each and every party I’ve ever thrown in my entire life.    I actually went to a baby shower once where I was the only guest who showed up.       The expectant mother was in the hospital with premature labor.  The hostess was pissed!  I, myself, chose to see it as an opportunity to drink all the wine myself, which I did – secretly grateful it was her party that nobody showed up to, and not mine. 

So, in the spirit of The Yes Girl, I’m really putting myself out there with this party.  And if nobody shows up, I’m drinking all the wine myself. 

You hear that, people?

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7 Responses to “the yes girl”


  1. 1 kcmeesha December 29, 2008 at 7:54 am

    I have similar opinion about all kinds of divorce support groups. And I didn’t even go :-). It’s like a support group for people with some disease, who wants to sit in a room where everyone has a colostomy bag?

    Oh man, that’s it exactly! I’ll never go again. I took a pledge.

  2. 2 Venus December 29, 2008 at 5:13 pm

    I think it depends on the type of bar. I met Troy at a bar, but we were there to see the same band. It wasn’t the typical “meat market” type environment. We’ve got plenty of places in KC that are a little more sophisticated than the bar scene but you are not allowed to even entertain the thought of ever going to a PWP meeting again. You are way to fucking cool for that. And there is nothing wrong with dating someone 10 years or so younger. You barely look 40 and you’re hipper than most 30 year olds I know. (by using the word HIP, I am showing my age)

    Aw thanks, Cuz. See, this is why I like to hang with you. You make me feel so young… (missed you on Xmas, babe. I had to rock the renegade vibe all by my lonesome. Don’t worry, I black-sheeped it enough for the both of us!)

  3. 3 3starpotter December 30, 2008 at 10:39 am

    Jeez… I guess we better show up…

    If you don’t, you’ll miss the hijinks. Now you wouldn’t want to miss that, would you? Hijinks rock!

  4. 4 Grace December 30, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    🙂 Can I say I HATE being single at this age? (Not that I am now…but still, that’s only for the last 2 months). I hate it. With a passion. I’ve never been good at “dating” anyway – I don’t want to date a bevy of boys, and I don’t want to play the stupid games. LOL

    For the last two years – when I was unattached – I ‘think’ I did all the right things. I said “Yes”. I took classes that interested me and went to places that interested me. I went out with a couple of girlfriends a few times. I even tried (UGH!!!!) internet dating for a very short period of time.

    I gave up. I would rather live alone and be happy, and not sell myself short to some loser (did you know that most of the men on the dating sites with any good qualities at all are , like, 5’2″???)

    Funny thing is – just as I gave up, my Knight showed up. Not that he’s wearing shiney armor or anything. The shinest thing on him is the wicked gleam in his eye and his watch. But he’s My Guy and I’m His Girl and we’re SO glad the dating thing is over.

    Here it is – New Years almost. We were laughing the other day because – out of the 3 possible New Years we’ve had since we met, we haven’t spent one together. THIS year is different!

    I’m SO proud of you! Keep up the YES! It’s GOOOOOOOOD to go out. Just be careful you don’t do anything…uh…silly while under the influence (my girlfriends and I all have, and regretted it later! LOL)

    ((( OB )))) I’m sure you’re going to have a wonderful party. BIG HUGS

    Thanks Gracie! This thing is gonna rock the street. I have this feeling…
    I’m so glad you have your man to keep you warm (not that you necessarily need it out in sunny CA) and I’ll keep my eye open for mine.
    I just know I misplaced him somewhere around here.

  5. 5 Spyder January 6, 2009 at 1:05 am

    XO is the only man I know that plays bongos. I’ve been married 23 years. I wouldn’t know how to behave if I was single. Enjoy the hunt. Good luck.

    It has its ups and downs (mostly ups!) Still looking for that bongo joint though..

  6. 6 Grace January 8, 2009 at 11:22 am

    So how was your shindig, girlfriend???

    Yummy fun! We partied like it was 1999 (until 3am, if you can believe it!)

  7. 7 trace January 11, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    Hey, note to Grace–don’t count out those 5’2″ guys. Observant knows what I mean… xoxo to my b4f

    Oh yeah, we’ve both had our 5’2″s. Absolutely not to be discounted…


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